CHiPs (2017)

This film is also about an old franchise that I know nothing about! Three in a row, and this might be the least inspiring of all. Yes, it really is. I feel like this is going to be a short review, or I’ll get too upset doing it. I’ll say what I have to say, and leave as soon as I can. CHiPs is a buddy cop film about former motorbike daredevil Jon Baker (Dax Shepard, who also directed), who joins the police force in an effort to regain the love of his wife, Karen (Kristen Bell), and undercover FBI agent Frank “Ponch” Poncherello (Michael Peña), who is also a sex addict. Both end up in the CHP (Chicago Highway Patrol) looking for corrupt cops in the division (if Vincent D’Onofrio is a police officer in your division, and there’s a crooked cop, it’s going to be him, ok).

The film tries to be funny! With all it’s heart! It gets close sometimes. I’m sure there are senses of humour it will appeal to, but mine is just not one of them, and comedically I was more than unenthused, I was straight bored. Ponch’s underlying discomfort with affection between the two men is the only issue the film ever addresses with anything resembling authenticity, and this is sadly only ever played off for cheap, inconsequential, unoriginal laughs. Have I talked enough about the jokes? Yes! Yes I have!

The film also tries to be exciting! Cars blow up! Motorbike chases happen! A guy gets his head cut off! Vincent D’Onofrio is menacing! He’s also under-utilised grossly, and I felt a little sad that a performer of his charisma and power was doing a film like this. I’ll move on!

The only other thing I really want to note about this film was how dumb it was. It blatantly offended my film watching mind with its dumbness. In my notes I wrote d-u-m on five separate occasions, each time in bigger, more capitalised letters.

Fans of bro movies and jokes about dicks touching and people who like an excuse to stare at girls in yoga pants might really enjoy this movie! I’m sure some people will! I just couldn’t. I just hated this film.


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